1 Question for Divorcees: Are You Depriving Yourself?

I write this on a Thursday night as I sip on a drink at a Starbucks coffee shop. I am bored and alone. I am divorced, so I don't have a spouse or child to keep me company. As I sip on my drink, I fantasize about the upcoming local events... of which, I will not be attending. Oh, I like to pretend that I will go to the beer festival, but I won't. Why yes, the weather is perfect for a softball game, but I won't bother. I don't want to go alone or spend the money. Then, it occurs to me, "What am I depriving myself of because I am divorced?"

How many lonely Friday nights are okay?
I have been divorced for over a year. I have spent 35 Friday nights sitting on my couch with my dogs. I have watched every episode of every season of Louie. I have color-coded my closet and finished a painting. Sometimes my sanity has been questionable, especially during those lonesome twilight hours. Sometimes I dreaded those lonely weekends and eagerly looked forward to returning to my workplace on Monday.

What are you NOT doing because you are alone?
Hm? I was waiting for a friend to accompany me on a hiking trip. Could I do this by myself? I have been sleeping on a tattered futon. Should I treat myself to a real bed? I never go on vacation. Should I take myself to the beach? However, here I was alone at Starbucks and, in a few hours, I would be snoozing on a smelly futon with my dogs.

Are you a moron for neglecting your whims?
Yes and no. (I am definitely a moron, but that's another blog.) I attempted to expand my comfort zone. Through this experimentation, I discovered that I enjoy treating myself to a $4 drink at Starbucks, but I refuse to sit alone at a bar. I have my limitations. And, as for a new bed, I have bigger financial goals to tackle and it will need to wait.

How to rationalize a self-imposed deprivation?
I tell myself to focus on the big picture. I embrace a gazelle-intensity for my long-term plan (thanks to Dave Ramsey). From Day 1 of my divorce, I asked myself, "What do I want for the long-term?" So, I listened to advice, planned, felt loneliness, suffered, cried, envied others, made mistakes, hated myself, asked for help, and kept coming back to my long-term plan. And I just keep going by simply not doing a lot of other things.

Waiting to exhale?
Then, one year after my divorce, I achieved my goal of home ownership. You know that saying, "waiting to exhale?" credited to Terry McMillan? Well, I totally exhaled this week (as I watched the TV show Louie in my new living room). And it felt great.

Oh, I am still lonely as Hell. And divorce really sucks. But my divorce journey has been so much more than only letting go of a relationship. My journey has been about a creation of my new life.

-- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.

Read Source